I mentioned it in a post before….
But I have a good friend of mine who is going through heart break.
The past couple times we’ve spoken I can just hear the hurt in his voice.
He is suffering.
Pining for a woman that doesn’t see his value.
I have had a couple readers communicate that they are also suffering from heartbreak…
And so I thought I’d write a letter for the man out there going through the struggle of heartache.
To the heartbroken man,
As you read this I already know what you desire.
“Bang 10 hotter girls then you’ll be able to move on.”
“You’re a good guy…there are tons of girls that are dying to meet a guy like you.”
“Lift bro. Make a lot of money. That’ll make your pain go away.”
You are tired of hearing advice from your friends on how to “move on.”
You don’t want to move on.
You just want that one “special girl”…
“The one” that made you feel something.
“The one” that gave you love and affection.
“The one” so much better than all of those tinder “thots”.
“The one” you have so
You probably chased her…
You may have begged…
Or perhaps you sent her a letter.
But what you didn’t realize is this….
Women despise weakness.
They feel no pity for your heartache.
And if they do….it simultaneously has killed their attraction for you.
Pity and weakness breed contempt.
Strength is all they understand.
“But I don’t want to go on without her.”
“She was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I understand brother.
You are in a vulnerable state right now.
And that is why I don’t wish to incite bitterness in you.
But you must realize something….
This woman whom you pine for,
She got to know you.
Not the you that you show to the public,
But the real you.
All of your likes, dislikes, and the things that make you you.
And she decided that wasn’t enough for her.
And in her action of rejecting the real you, this girl has shown you the greatest form of disrespect.
There is only one proper response to such an action:
You walk away and you don’t look back.
That is strength.
That is dignity.
That is balls.
You must come into a state of complete acceptance.
“It is her loss.” , You will say to yourself…
And then you will cut all contact.
You will not text, call, or send cringey notes professing your undying love.
You will remove her from social media.
Let go completely of the hope of reconciliation as her disrespect has already proven her unworthy of your time.
In the long run you will have dodged a bullet.
And you may not see it now….
But you have been blessed.
Imagine had you taken vows with such a woman.
Imagine had she chosen to purge you from her life post being legally tied to her.
You lucked out brother.
This is not a plea for you to go MGTOW or to write women off for life.
This is a friend recognizing that your pedestalization of this woman has stolen your peace of mind.
You have aggrandized this girl in your head to the point that she is all that you can think about.
She is your first thought when you wake up in the morning and the last as you go to bed at night.
Knock it off.
You need to stop this train of wallowing and pining right now.
There are opportunity costs for such weak behavior.
- Peace of mind (as we discussed earlier
- Your self respect/confidence
- Your Time.
Emphasis on time.
I get it….
It’s a shot to your ego.
She’s all you can think about.
But listen brother, there is one thing I wish my father had taught me as a young man (and this should be taught to all young men)….
All women are replaceable.
All of them.
You can try to explain to me all day about how this girl was “the one.
Or how she was “so different” from the rest of these broads.
I’m not buying it for a second.
She has flaws just like you and I.
Perhaps she was naggy.
Or maybe she was bipolar.
A little thick around the waist….
Recognize these flaws and remind yourself of them as reminiscent thoughts of this woman attempt to dominate your mind.
But really….this heartache you are feeling….it will pass.
Time heals all.
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me.”
Well, it’s true.
“But what if she forget about me. What if she moves on?”
Back to that weak mindset of yours.
Let her move on. Just don’t let her prevent you from moving on. Men and women experience heartache very differently (especially today).
Upon exiting a relationship a woman will be met with an abundance of courters ready to woo her for a chance at getting laid.
She will have many opportunities to fill her void….to distract her from her pain.
The heart broken man on the other hand will bet with the harsh realities of our modern dating market…..
And all in all you will feel very lonely. A lot of effort for very little reward.
“How is that supposed to make me feel better?”
Because you win. You will be forced to introspect, look at yourself in the mirror, and figure out why your happiness was so dependent on this one woman.
A woman should never be the source of a man’s happiness.
Build happiness outside of women.
This girl who broke your heart….she will be distracted by external stimuli (tinder, instagram, etc) and will never capitalize on self introspection. She will simply repeat the same toxic behaviors which characterize most modern women:
- Sleeping around.
- Attention whoring on social media.
- Clubbing and binging on wine
- Pretending her pets are her children.
Your heartache offers you access to powerful emotional leverage.
Anger and sadness are powerful emotions that a man can profit from when channeling them into productive endeavors.
Start a blog.
Build your body.
Reconnect with friends.
The way you perceive the external events of your life is a reflection of your beliefs.
And right now your belief is: “This girl made me happy.”
If you read my article on stoicism ( Principles of Stoicism Part 1 ) then you will understand that this woman you pine for is simply an external.
Amend your belief: “I can choose to create my own happiness.”
A very powerful change.
I understand you are going through a painful time brother, but you must understand the stakes of your mindset.
You are risking years of your life wallowing for subpar woman….
I will end this letter with three phrases that will aid you in this hard time you are going through. You will repeat them to yourself when you feel yourself falling back into the weak mindset which characterizes many men today.
Here they are:
- “It’s her loss.”
- “I can create my own happiness in life.”
- “Ignorance is bliss” (for maintaining no contact)
- “My time is scarce….and I will not be robbed of my peace of mind.”
You can do it my heartbroken brother.
Just take it one day at a time.
Talk to you soon brother.